me as a baby

have you seen a unicorn?

I knew this day would come, but kept repressing this thought, and now my not-a-baby-anymore son has left home to do his military service. he is far away dealing with stuff I can’t even imagine, and he is on his own… is he ready? did we do a good job raising him? is the product complete? (is anyone ever?)

surrounded by family albums, I started drawing myself and my children as young kids, looking closely at the details, caressing the paper with small brush strokes until a familiar face starts to appear. as if by drawing I could go back in time, as if by this close observation I could reveal what is hidden back there, what’s the story they tell? could I identify the grown-up in each child?

I want to stay in childhood fairyland of  for a while longer, even though I know it’s gone.
I want to be able to catch a glimpse of a unicorn , just for a moment, to make me believe I could solve things for my kids one more time.

but  I can only give my young man a big courages hug and love him with all my heart. pack my fears, joy and pride all mixed – and send this beautiful kite on its way…